Losing Control

Turbulence ...

When it rains it pours. It has been a rough few months and many things have happened. I've seen people passing on. I've seen sickness. I've experienced unreciprocated love. I've seen pain. I've felt pain. Life. Life just happened.

If anything, I'm learning more and more each day how to quiet down whenever I'm faced by overwhelming emotions and circumstances. To spend a couple of minutes to cast all my cares an anxiety on The One who is able. Some may call it weakness. Some call it foolishness. Hey ... sometimes I wonder what it is but stiil I choose to believe. And that belief is faith. Go look it up.

We believe we have control of things in our lives but I beg to differ. No matter how much we think we have control, there are a good many things that can go out of control. We can put blood, sweat & tears into our work but at the end of the day all it takes is a bad day for a client or even a minor overlooking of things to throw things out of whack. You can love someone with your whole heart but yet have no guarantee that that person will love you back. You can exercise and eat well but for all you know a genetic defect that comes from generations of you family could set your health back without you even knowing.

Control. It is an illusion. We think we have control in a world that is spinning out of control. There are far too many things out there ... far too many things where there is no control. I suppose that's why I am comforted by the knowledge that I don't need to be in control. That I can trust every situation to Him. I know ... things may not end up the way I would want it to be but the knowledge that He wants what's best for me helps me trust Him some. In time to come I hope to trust Him more. Because in the end there is always Hope. If not now. In time to come.

Here's a lil' somethin' from the Bible that all this struggle we go through is temporary; that there is hope and that in the end all things are made new.

Revelation 21:4
He will wipe every tear from their eyes.
There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain,
for the old order of things has passed away.

He that Carries Our Burdens

Calvary

Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.
1 Peter 5:7

Jesus at Calvary.

Not a picture we'd like to remember but one that reminds us that we can cast all our cares on Him. A lot of things are happening right now in my life and I am so thankful that I was given 1 Peter 5:7 this morning. I just felt that the verse was something that I should share with all of you who may be feeling overwhelmed. I hope it speaks volumes to you as it does to me today.

Take care...

Busy as a Bee

Small Bee, Big Flower

Oowah! I've been up today since 5-something AM. Started the day off talking to God a lot. It's been a rough few weeks but isn't that how life is? We are all just small bees and life at times can be like the above. We can be faced by the big flower that is life which is beautiful & full of colour and yet still miss out on enjoying it.

Humans are strange creatures indeed. It's always never enough. The cup is almost always half empty and never full. The problem with most of us (I think) is that we can't see the big picture most times because we're too caught up to realise that we are thoroughly blessed by what we already have. We're always looking away instead of looking at what is already close by. Go figure.

It's a learning to process and I think I'm doing a lot better lately at taking steps back to see the big picture. I am learning too how to appreciate what I am blessed with already. So that's a good thing. It's always a good thing to be contented. The Bible says that godliness & contentment is great gain. I suppose that means that having a deeper relationship with God somehow goes hand in hand with being contented in life. I'm beginning to see how true that is in my own life.

Right now I'm really exhausted, physically & mentally. Even though I can still see the big picture it's somewhat tough going with so many things fighting for my attention. Life. It sure is one BIG flower isn't it?

Anyways, I was just looking in the mirror this morning and I can see the wear & tear on my face ... I've never looked this tired before. It's a sure sign that I need some extended time off. Soon. Or it'd be bad. Real bad. Ha ha ...

Anyone up for a holiday some time soon?

Faith

Hebrews 11:1
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

I read a powerful thing in today's devotional reading that resonated deep within me about having faith in God so here's an excerpt that I want to share with everyone.

"It comes therefore as a shock that these two spheres of human uncertainty (the future and the unseen) are precisely those in which faith specialises and even flourishes! It is the function of faith to apprehend both the unseen present and the unrealised future. Put simply, faith is the assurance that the future we anticipate will take place and the present we cannot se is nevertheless real."

Through The Bible Through The Year
John Stott

And further on he writes:

"Faith is not a synonym for credulity or superstition. It is neither irrational nor illogical. No, faith and reason are never placed in antithesis to one another in Scripture. Faith and sight are contrasted, but not faith and reason. On the contrary, 'Those who know Your Name put their trust in You'. They trust because they know. The reasonableness of trust arises from the trustworthiness of its object, and nobody is more trustworthy than God."

Through The Bible Through The Year
John Stott

Thank YOU everyone for praying! My uncle is improving tremendously day by day and I received the truly awesome news that he accepted Jesus as my Aunt Julia has been sharing with him as she helps take care of him. Another one of my aunts is already mid-flight and will be landing in Singapore tomorrow morning. It's a gruelling 30-hour flight for her as she comes all the way from Boston and I'm awed by all the care & love that I am seeing in my family in this difficult time. Family & love are definitely blessings from the One Above.

It's gonna be a tough two weeks of work as we have a very tight deadline for an upcoming project. Lots to do but I know that I have God to sustain me. He has been with me all this while and I know that He will never leave me nor forsake me.

On another note ... Altered Frequency is all done with their new album Transit. Look out for it very, very soon. I've got a preview copy and I'm loving it ... all of us are working hard to do all the necessary to reproduce the album now so it's one final stretch before you'll see it in stores.

Check back soon for more news!

My Uncle Teong

It's been a difficult year. First Connor. Now my Uncle Teong is in ICU. He had two heart attacks this week and my whole family is down in Johore now. The first a mild one on Monday and then the 2nd and more severe one somewhere in the middle of the week.

Seeing him was sad and they are much more stricter here. I held his hand for a bit and as I think about it now I just didn't know what to say to him. It was difficult enough seeing Connor through his battle and now this.

I don't know what to pray for ... part of me prays for healing and wholeness but after losing Connor I just don't know anymore. I suddenly realise now that I do not have any pictures of him at all ... only memories of him in my head.

To everyone of you who reads this ... Do cover my uncle in prayer. I asked God if He would reveal Himself to Uncle Teong at the very least. Could you guys please pray with me on that? And also for him to pull through ... so much of me wants to see him pull through.

Celebrating Discipline

Celebrating Discipline

I'm such a slow reader these days but you know what? It doesn't matter anymore to me how fast or slow I read something. Perhaps I'm getting older. Perhaps I'm just beginning to understand that life isn't just about being fast and it isn't just about getting to the destination. But whatever it is I'm certainly taking my time to read through "Celebration of Discipline" by Richard Foster. I just finished the final bits of Chapter 2 this morning and am thankful for the lessons that I'm learning about meditating on God. It's so difficult to shut out the voice of the world; the stresses and its worries but I'm learning to do so every morning and also throughout the day. Here's are two quotes from the book that struck me this morning.

"Always remember that we enter the story not as passive observers, but as active participants. Also remember that Christ is truly with us to teach us, to heal us, to forgive us."

"The purpose of meditation is to enable us to hear God more clearly. Meditation is listening, sensing, heeding the life and light of Christ. This comes right to the heart of our faith. The life that pleases God is not set on religious duties; it is to hear His voice and obey His word. Meditation opens the door to this way of living."

Very awesome stuff. And the book is over 20 years old.

Till next time.

The Centre

"Christianity is Christ - knowing Him, gaining Him, and trusting Him."
-John Stott

My Daily Devotional Guide

The above is something that I read this morning in my devotional. As much as I struggle through issues and challenges in life I am thankful for the treasure of Christ in my life. I treasure every morning I spend talkin' to God and readin' His Word. Without which I wouldn't be able to make it through my days.

I know that I still don't demonstrate the full measure of Christ in my life but that won't stop me from continuing to strive to give Him more access into my being so there is less of me and more of Him. There's still so much of the un-Christ-like me that emerges and I pray that as I cultivate my relationship with Him that others will be able to see the difference that Jesus makes in life.

Christianity is truly Christ.

Non Weekend ... Almost

It's a Prepaid Thing

It's been an almost non-weekend. Been working on stuff for Happy most of the weekend in between jaunts in the wasteland that is Fallout 3. At least I had the game to keep me somewhat sane even as I worked so hard on the stuff that we need to get out to the client. The past few weeks have been crazy and work has just been full up with multiple projects on top of this one. It's madness!

Preparing for the Future in an irradiated wasteland

On top of that there were things to do to for Four Forty to close our books for the last financial year that just ended. It's been so difficult to balance things out but I'm thankful that I'm finding my groove.

Highlight of the weekend was worship at church this morning and lunch after with D & her cell. The sermon jumped through a lot of scripture and to be honest I found it difficult to pay attention because the topic of discipleship just wasn't hitting home. The low-light of the weekend was missing out on hanging at The Curve with my friends cos' I had to home to continue working on Happy. *Sighs* ... at least I had Fallout 3. Heh.

It's now officially Monday. And so another week begins. I leave everyone with these infamous lines from Fallout ...

"War ... War Never Changes"

Late Night Listening with Altered Frequency

Here's some news from the music front.

Pretty much the whole Four Forty Records crew had a late night listening session over at Nick Lee's studio till 2am and I am just thrilled that Altered Frequency is finishing up their album Transit after 3 years of delays and lotsa challenges. The real challenge starts now in marketing the album and getting the songs out on radio plus we gotta figure out how to fund music videos too.

It's gonna be a big year for the band and I am really lovin' the songs after last night's listening. Lots of potential singles and it's great stuff. AF fans will be wowed by what they are gonna be hearing. Trust me. I'm not just saying that because I'm part of the record label. Juwita agrees too! Right Ju?

In the meantime Liang's got a brand new video out for the track "Giggles". Check it out on YouTube and tell us what you think.

I knooooooooow ... since starting work I've been very silent about music and all but I wanna try to change things and balance things out even more. Music is very much in my heart and I doubt it'd go away. Been learning a lot about focus especially in the past few months and I hope to do better in discerning what to do and what not to do; the bottom line is that it's a choice and I can't do everything in the world. Duh ... shouldn't I have figured that out a long time ago?

Next up is our website which has been sitting there doing nothing for the past 2 years ... sigh ... and here I am a web professional. Sucks right? There's just so much to do for 440 and there's so few of us but if all of us pitch in I'm sure we'll get somewhere. Lotsa blessing from God would totally help too!

Pray for us. Or better yet pick up our CDs!

Mobile Number Portability. Faith too?

Switch to DiGi

Mobile Number Portability has just hit Malaysia. Officially launched just last Wednesday now Malaysians everywhere can switch from one provider to another and keep their existing mobile number. That's a HUGE boon to consumers everywhere and honestly I am leaning towards switching to DiGi but will probably wait till their 3G services are launched.

The Uber Cool HTC Touch Pro

I'll most likely be buying over my bud J-son's new HTC Touch Pro (as he can't send emails out through it) and looking at how things are at work; getting an unlimited data line to access email and the web would be quite cool. I am heading out for meetings a little more these days and quite possibly I'd see an increase in that as I start liaising with clients more. Emailing them on the go is pretty good too cos' sometimes I'm at church or somewhere else and taking some time in-between activities to answer emails would help pace things for me at work. There's just a tonne to do in the office and sometimes it's just quite overwhelming.

Convenience is something that all of us look for but that's not true when it comes to God. Sometimes it seems as if God can be a convenience in life for some of us. I'm learning a lot more that God is NOT a convenience. He has good plans for us yes and I believe that how we feel and what we go through is on His mind too BUT our comfort & happiness is NOT the most important thing to Him. His relationship with me is what it's all about. It's about BEING not about striving. That seems so contradictory ... how can I be if I do not first get there? I'm still figuring this out about God but I'm glad that I have Him.

As much as I struggle in my faith to make it real and to rest in Him; I have that deep assurance that He is the constant in my life. And I can be 100% honest with Him about the way I feel and the things I go through because He is the ONLY one who does not judge me. In Him there is true acceptance. Unlike Mobile Number Portability where we can switch from one provider to another; there is only one provider in life; God. I can't explain it 100% but believing in God is not just about knowing it in our heads and hearts; it's also about stepping out and putting a measure of faith in Him. I believe that's what the Bible talks about when some of the authors in there write about how blessed are those who believe even though they have not seen.

I'm off to Bentong today. An old classmate from school just got married today and the dinner is on tonight. I have mixed emotions about seeing my old friends; I just hope they don't egg me about whether or not I'm seeing someone. That question is always hard to take ... especially at weddings.

Ta!

Doing What's in Our Hearts ... and Iron Man?

I've been continuing my reading of "Celebration of Discipline" and there was a part in Chapter 2 that caught me about the doubts we have in our heart when we commune with God. I have made a lot of difficult decisions in life based on a feeling of what God is saying to me and I suppose I wouldn't have it any other way. Sometimes I wonder if it's just me but there are many times when I find myself obeying the nudging in me to do things that I wouldn't do ordinarily. Right now I guess I'm learning how to find balance in between my thoughts and in obeying the nudging I feel in my heart & spirit at the times when I feel it.

Eastern religion sees meditation as an emptying of one self but Christianity goes a step further to fill that emptiness with God. I wouldn't say we need to empty ourselves but more so we need to tune in and shut out the world and all its distractions. Meditating on God means being filled with so much of Him that we cannot help but change. We human beings don't like that do we? Change. Because secretly we like being flawed ... we like being imperfect because it gives us an excuse to continue living our lives the way we want to live them. Without Him. Now that's a scary thought; life with God.

Anyways, I digress ... There are far worse ways to make decisions and as I grow older I learn how to balance going with an impression from God to also making educated decisions with the faculties that God has given me. I am learning that it's all about balancing both. On one extreme we can just make calculated decisions based on facts and on the other extreme we can also just make decisions based on feeling & promptings too. To balance it out I suppose that's where knowing God's purpose and will comes in. God never changes. Not one single bit. He's the same yesterday, today and forevermore. Now that's an awesome thing ... that we work with what we have and at the same time to be guided by Him.

The Invincible Iron Man on Blu-ray!

Anyways, I am somewhat inspired by Iron Man. I just watched it again this evening and it's a great movie. There's one bit in the movie where Stark is talkin' to Pepper Potts about doing what's right and knowing deep down in his heart that he's doing the right thing. I guess that's what I feel most times when I am just doing what God is wanting me to do. I'm still learning a whole lot to do that. I heard somewhere once that the problem with us hearing from God is this:

"If we were to truly hear from Him would we obey Him?"

Now that's something to ponder about. There are many things in our lives that we want God in but as I read in "Celebration of Discipline" today; God is not interested in partial Lordship. He wants it all. All of us. That may sound awfully harsh to some people but the fact is that after living on planet Earth for the past 30 years; there is no other person I'd rather be surrendered to than God. I have made a mess of my own life through my own inadequacies so the best thing to do would be to learn how to listen to Him and to obey Him. Granted, that the path isn't always the easiest in following God; but would we have it any other way?

Think about it.

P.S. Incidentally, Iron Man has just been released on Blu-ray & DVD and I am gonna get my very first Blu-ray movie soon! My regular DVD shop in Cineleisure ran out of stock 2 weeks ago and I've asked them to reserve me a copy when the new shipment arrives next week. No HDTV yet tho' ... all the power of my PS3 is currently being cramped by my Panasonic Tau at 480p. Ha ha ... the evils of materialism!

My New Addiction

Delicious McDonald's Fries ...

Spicy McShaker Fries! Or any McShaker Fry for that matter! Such a delicious fried & oily treat!

I have been going to McDonald's regularly over the past month just to consume the powdered combination of fries and spicy powder. Yums! In fact I had two fattening servings of McShaker Fries today for lunch (together with their brand new spicy fish burger). No Sundae this time round though ... cos' two servings of fries is a tad bit too much. I would have fallen asleep at my desk if I had one. I'm sure of it!

Go get some today! And no, McDonald's did not pay me to write this. I wish they would though ...

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Coming to You this Christmas!

I just watched a most interesting trailer off Apple.com!

A new Brad Pitt movie that also stars classic screen beauty Cate Blanchett. Based on a F. Scott Fitzgerald short story; the movie revolves around Benjamin Button, a baby born with the physique of an 80-year old man and as he grows him, curiously he grows younger while everyone else around him older.

It's set somewhere in pre-World War 1 or 2 I think (I can't tell for sure ... but I think I did see a German U-boat in one of the scenes featured in the trailer). It's certainly one of the more interesting new movies to look forward to this Christmas season. Ah ... something to look forward to for a change.

I'm absolutely uncompelled to go to the cinema as there is really nothing out there that catches my eye these days. Sigh ... I miss the cinemas ...

Check out the trailer here!

Another Passing

Passing ...

My cell member Angie's granny just passed away. Do pray for the family ... For more news about the funeral or for those of you who want to contribute to getting a wreath & pak kam for the family please get in touch with me via this blog or text me.

The sad thing is that Angie is right now in London and I received news from her via SMS to pray after her granny had fell and didn't regain consciousness in SJMC. She just passed on after 97 years of life here on earth.

For those of you who know Angie do drop her a SMS. Thanks.

That's All

The Movie That Made My Day Better

Movies. Movies. Movies. A good movie always makes me feel a whole lot better. Just watched my brand new Region 1 copy of "The Devil Wears Prada" and it's such a great movie. The soundtrack is a good one too; I guess that's why I love "City of Blinding Lights" - a track by U2 that plays just as Andy Sachs & Miranda Priestly arrive in Paris for Fashion Week. Ha ha ... makes me wish that I had the glamorous life of someone in the fashion industry; but I suppose I'll just settle for being a creative in web and on-going balancing act in working out 440 Records. I have not been able to do much for that at all ... *sighs*

I had a long day that started at 5.45am; it's been a bit of a nightmare these days but I guess I'm getting used to waking up at odd hours even on weekends. It's something that I need to live with and the sooner I accept it the better I'll get through life.

It was frustrating at first but I'm learning to just roll with it. What I can do to ensure I get enough sleep and that starts really with reorganising myself. Bedtime. It all starts with bedtime. And since I get up early every day anyways, the solution is to just sleep earlier.

The great thing about waking up early is really just to start the day off just as the sun comes up. The quiet in the morning is refreshing. The time I get to spend with God in the mornings is the one thing that helps me get through the day and it's especially great when the day is a great one. Then I know that there's no one to thank for but the Big Guy up there.

OK OK ... it's 11:09pm. Time to turn in for bed or I'd be a zombie tomorrow. G'nite folks!

Meditating on the Word

Zephaniah 3:17
The LORD your God is with you,
He is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing.

Zephaniah 3:17; it's just a little something I'm meditating on from the Bible. I'm learning to hide the Word in my heart cos' I'm really not that great at memorising scripture. So! am making some effort to do so now. Pray for me please.

All you need is a Bible, a pen & a notebook!

Meditating on small portions of Scripture can bring great insight. And definitely with the Word in my heart I will be better able to face challenges in life plus have the added privilege of encouraging others who need a touch from God. That's the awesome thing about the Bible ... it makes a difference both in myself and in others too. How much more universal can anything get? It's like a super duper plug-and-play device! Ha ha!

On a more serious note, I've been blessed and received a timely Word from others many times before. And these verses have encouraged me to keep pressing on. I want to be able to do the same for other people in my life too! I pray that I'll be able to keep this up and make time to really get deep into the God's Word.

Anyways, it's almost 8am and it's time to get crackin' to really start the day off. Ta!

I'm on Google!

Google Me Up, Scotty!

Mua ha ha ha ha ... guess what?! Just for fun I googled my name up "Chris Leow" and this blog actually turns up as Number 9 in the first set of search results! This blog is a Google Page 1 site! I'm feeling quite pleased actually because I feel as if I mean something on the internet (or rather this blog means something on the web).

I clicked on Google Images and a shot of me taken by Louis Pang turns up as item number 1! If you don't believe me check out the screenshots I took off my Macbook below:

Click on the images for a larger image.

I am Number #9

I am Number #1!

Dare I say it? I rawk! Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Beat that Search Engine Optimisers ... I didn't do anything and somehow from the cross-links being generated by some other sites and my name being mentioned here and there this blog currently sits pretty at Number 9 on Google. Pretty cool no? Of course I doubt anyone would purposely do a search using my name as a search keyword unless he or she is a stalker ... or really into me. Ha ha ... now that's a thought.

On another note ... it's been a rough week. I can't believe Connor's gone and I have yet to put up anything substantial about my thoughts & feelings of his passing. I'll do that tomorrow in the morning I guess ...

Till then, good night everybody!

An Assurance ...

Good Bye Connor

Good Bye Connor

At 10.55pm last night Connor passed on.

I was blessed to have been able to see him at 8pm ... I couldn't speak to him at all because he was unconscious but at least I saw him one last time. I am saddened by his passing but am thankful that I saw him one last time yesterday.

Thank you everyone for praying. Connor truly experienced so much love in this past month. He returns to our Father in Heaven and is in a place far better than this. No more suffering. No more pain. No more tears. Connor, we will miss you but we are comforted that we will see you again in eternity. Welcome us at the gates whence we shall meet.

Wake details are as follows:

Location : PJ Modern Casket & Funeral Parlour
Jalan 229, Section 51A, Petaling Jaya
46100 Selangor

Time : 8.00pm - Arrival of Guests
8.30pm - Wake Service

He will be flown back to East Malaysia for burial after the wake.

An Encouraging Update About Connor!

Prayer Makes a Difference!

Hi everyone,

What a difference 24 hours of prayer makes! He's looking great. Even though the tube's still up through his nose he looks so much more comfortable. And he's so much stronger! Seeing him this evening really made my day & week. I am so happy & thankful for how much God is doing.

And you know what? I prayed for him today and after I said amen ... I looked up and I saw his breathing rate was at 20-something! Wow ... Prayer is really awesome. But then when I stopped praying it went up again to about 30-something 40. Man! I should have claimed with more faith!

His breathing readings are different. I looked at the squiggly line reading on the screen of the apparatus that monitors Connor's vitals and it's different. The readings for his respiratory rate are more consistent & squarish instead of being squiggly & wavy. I think that means that his breathing is stable now and more consistent. I dunno how to explain la ... I'm not doctor.

But suffice to say I am so happy that Connor is doing so much better!