In the past few months I've been working through a whole lot of anger & bitterness in my heart. I know that the best thing for me to do is to forgive her for hurting me so much but forgiveness is not the easiest thing to do. Today I had my very first online conversation with her. It was brief but I think I got a bit more pain out of my system by speaking to the very person who hurt me. What I learnt about forgiveness these past 2 months or so is this:
Forgiveness does not mean that the person who hurt you was right. And it does not mean that you are OK with what was done to you. And that's true for me. For a while now I kept justifying why she did what she did but the fact is what she did was plain wrong whatever her intentions were. The ends do not justify the means.
Forgiveness does not mean that the hurt goes away. I puzzle with this bit but it's true. I still hurt very much and even though it's frustrating I'm somewhat more at rest that it's not my fault that I'm hurt this much. She did what she did and she bears responsibility for that no matter what she may think or feel. Nothing changes what has happened and truly the best thing for me to do is to forgive her.
Forgiveness does not mean that reconciliation happens. This part is pretty difficult to grasp but it's a sad truth. Also things between us will never be the same again despite her claims of friendship. If you can hurt someone who loves you so much then I cannot imagine what a regular friendship could become because of selfish behaviour. Trust once broken doesn't mean it can easily be regained. I guess it still hurts very much now and again I am so very frustrated. I get very angry with myself and with how I feel. How can I ever love someone else with all this crap inside me? Time has healed a lot but it still hurts like hell at times.
There's still so much to learn about forgiveness. And I'm slowly beginning to pray blessing into her life ... in what little I can do now in praying for other people. I don't know if things will ever get better and even if it does nothing can change what has happened. That's the suckiest thing you know?
Anyways, I had a very productive day today. Attended the RIM AGM in Vistana Hotel then dropped off Juwita's brand new single "Reach" at Red104.9 & Suria FM. Got our dispatch guy to send the single over to Hitz.fm & Mix FM also and I finally prepared cheques for payments this afternoon! Another big plus was meeting up with my good friend Mary Ann for dinner. To cap the day off I changed some Singapore Dollars from sales in Singapore to Malaysian Ringgit and then banked in some cheques too! On a more fun note I changed the 2nd disc on my Spider 3 DVD set cos it was faulty AND browsed through Borders. It's been a good day. My brother is watching Spidey 3 now while I blog and I'm gonna be joining him in a bit.
Sorry guys! No pictures this time round but I will have some up soon cos' I'll be at some events this weekend plus my friend Lionel's wedding.
Cheers!
Friday, September 21, 2007
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Spending Habits & Piracy
I'm feeling super pleased that today has been a productive day. This week overall has been pretty productive and I got to spend quality time with the people that mean the most to me. I got to spend some time with Tim from my cell yesterday and on Tuesday I got to hang out with my best friend J-son too.
Anyways, I've been buying original DVDs, CDs & video games starting end last year and so far I've not picked up a single pirated movie. I think it's a good habit to pick up because it helps me think twice about how I spend my money and also I spend less time watching movies. I've thought about this long & hard and basically came to the conclusion that it's better to spend less time on the non-essentials. I figure that if I were to buy an original video game for example it'd be far better to buy a good one and make the most of it. When I was playing pirated stuff on my PS2 I realise that I played probably like 2% of my purchases with 98% of the games mostly gathering dust somewhere. Besides! Packaging on original stuff is a whole lot nicer and I think it's great to have a collection of things instead of crummy loose CD sleeves lying around.
Some of you might say "Why are you so bodoh (stupid)?" "Why spend a couple of hundred ringgit on original stuff when you can buy a pirated item for far less?" My stand on this would be that the makers of the games & movies work hard to put it out their craft in very much the same way that musicians work on their songs. Have you ever stopped to look at the film credits after a movie? That's like a few hundred people who put their expertise into making that movie you just watched! It took me going into the music industry to fully understand that fact especially in a difficult market like Malaysia ... plus pirated stuff generally finances a lot of underworld elements that we don't know about. Piracy is a crime! But I do question what our government is doing to make stuff like music, video games & software affordable to the general public. Now that's some food for thought no? Who are you financing when you pick up a pirated video game or movie?
Spidey 3 on DVD! With free Golf Umbrella!
Korean BBQ Lunch!
I'm feeling super pleased that today has been a productive day. This week overall has been pretty productive and I got to spend quality time with the people that mean the most to me. I got to spend some time with Tim from my cell yesterday and on Tuesday I got to hang out with my best friend J-son too.
Anyways, I've been buying original DVDs, CDs & video games starting end last year and so far I've not picked up a single pirated movie. I think it's a good habit to pick up because it helps me think twice about how I spend my money and also I spend less time watching movies. I've thought about this long & hard and basically came to the conclusion that it's better to spend less time on the non-essentials. I figure that if I were to buy an original video game for example it'd be far better to buy a good one and make the most of it. When I was playing pirated stuff on my PS2 I realise that I played probably like 2% of my purchases with 98% of the games mostly gathering dust somewhere. Besides! Packaging on original stuff is a whole lot nicer and I think it's great to have a collection of things instead of crummy loose CD sleeves lying around.
Some of you might say "Why are you so bodoh (stupid)?" "Why spend a couple of hundred ringgit on original stuff when you can buy a pirated item for far less?" My stand on this would be that the makers of the games & movies work hard to put it out their craft in very much the same way that musicians work on their songs. Have you ever stopped to look at the film credits after a movie? That's like a few hundred people who put their expertise into making that movie you just watched! It took me going into the music industry to fully understand that fact especially in a difficult market like Malaysia ... plus pirated stuff generally finances a lot of underworld elements that we don't know about. Piracy is a crime! But I do question what our government is doing to make stuff like music, video games & software affordable to the general public. Now that's some food for thought no? Who are you financing when you pick up a pirated video game or movie?
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Hectic-ity, Guitar Hero II & Relationships?
It's been a pretty hectic few weeks and almost all of us were busy helping out Jac & Shawn on their big day. It was a beautiful wedding and even though all of us were so busy it was a joyous event. I must say that even though I was helping out a lot I felt super loved by my cell members. It was an honour really to be given a seat at the main table and I felt that my life does make a difference in the lives of others. I do so want to get out of this emotional rut I'm in and once again God reminded me that I have so much to live for. Check out what few pix I took at the wedding here.
We did a whole bunch of things for the wedding and it really was a blessing to be able to be there for the couple. We even managed to squeeze in a small photo slideshow with 2 days worth of effort. While we were at it Nataly & Ling Yew managed to give Guitar Hero II a whirl in between our slideshow creation. Check out these pix of Ling Yew getting a few notes off on the guitar controller!
Go go! Go Johnny Go Go!
Plus my TV has been fixed! Hooray!
A whole bunch of us also celebrated my best friend J-son's birthday with an awesome awesome BBQ. It's a good thing those of us who got dunked in the pool didn't fall sick. I didn't bring a change of clothes and so ended up driving home quite wet ... ha ha! Thank God air-conditioning in cars can be switched off!
I've been wondering some though ... how does one bridge the gap between being friends and something more? My greatest fear is that things get messed up and the friendship doesn't remain the same. There is someone I've known for a few years now and I have always been very attracted but I just can't shake the feeling that I'm not the kind of guy she's looking for. We're comfortable around each other though but for some reason (I guess due to my own insecurity also & lack of confidence) ... I think we've just not bothered giving each other a chance. It'd be nice to give things a try and find out more in a healthy way. I honestly don't know how to figure relationships out anymore and after my last painful experience I am so afraid of being hurt deeply again. It is scary no? Especially when you've known that person for quite a long time already. Any thoughts on this anyone?
It's been a pretty hectic few weeks and almost all of us were busy helping out Jac & Shawn on their big day. It was a beautiful wedding and even though all of us were so busy it was a joyous event. I must say that even though I was helping out a lot I felt super loved by my cell members. It was an honour really to be given a seat at the main table and I felt that my life does make a difference in the lives of others. I do so want to get out of this emotional rut I'm in and once again God reminded me that I have so much to live for. Check out what few pix I took at the wedding here.
We did a whole bunch of things for the wedding and it really was a blessing to be able to be there for the couple. We even managed to squeeze in a small photo slideshow with 2 days worth of effort. While we were at it Nataly & Ling Yew managed to give Guitar Hero II a whirl in between our slideshow creation. Check out these pix of Ling Yew getting a few notes off on the guitar controller!
Go go! Go Johnny Go Go!
That's what LY was looking at as he played
Oi! Aren't you supposed to be working on Jac & Shawn's slideshow?
Plus my TV has been fixed! Hooray!
The innards of my Panasonic TV
The innards being placed back in
A whole bunch of us also celebrated my best friend J-son's birthday with an awesome awesome BBQ. It's a good thing those of us who got dunked in the pool didn't fall sick. I didn't bring a change of clothes and so ended up driving home quite wet ... ha ha! Thank God air-conditioning in cars can be switched off!
I've been wondering some though ... how does one bridge the gap between being friends and something more? My greatest fear is that things get messed up and the friendship doesn't remain the same. There is someone I've known for a few years now and I have always been very attracted but I just can't shake the feeling that I'm not the kind of guy she's looking for. We're comfortable around each other though but for some reason (I guess due to my own insecurity also & lack of confidence) ... I think we've just not bothered giving each other a chance. It'd be nice to give things a try and find out more in a healthy way. I honestly don't know how to figure relationships out anymore and after my last painful experience I am so afraid of being hurt deeply again. It is scary no? Especially when you've known that person for quite a long time already. Any thoughts on this anyone?
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