Fasting Ain't Easy ...

I just started on a personal fast yesterday and today is DAY 2! GOODNESS! It's not easy to fast at all. I've not had a bite to eat except liquids and um ... one milkshake. It's been doing me some good and has softened my heart some (must be God at work!).

I've just been asked to get my whole cell group to sit together in a cluster and the possibility of having HER around is eating me up some. It's hard being asked to think about the group and to have a Kingdom mentality. Feels like I'm being asked to put duty before self every time. I've always put others before me and foregone personal comfort in a lot of my decisions and I feel very unappreciated in doing that. Does anyone ever think of me and my own comfort? I know ... sounds selfish, but that's a struggle that I'm faced with every time it comes to her.

I want to do the right thing and I will but I've had to harden my heart a lot in order to be strong. To push her out of my heart so that I don't have to keep on loving someone who does not appreciate those feelings. I had to choose to hate when all I had was love. I don't know how to fix things between us anymore. I don't even know anymore what I want. I wanted to be a blessing in her life. To be someone who could be there for her ... to be a friend and to love her. But she's just been so critical of me. Maybe I've got self-esteem issues. My best friend tells me that I've got it all but why is it that I'm still single then? That's the million dollar question ain't it? Another question that bugs me now is do I still wanna be with her? I guess I do but what's the point if I'm going to be 2nd-choice? Yeah ...

Well, dear reader ... I don't want to depress you guys so here's a low down on my SUMMER MOVIE sojourn. I've been watching at least 2 movies a week and it's been awesome. Here's my take on all the movies I've caught over the past 2 months.

• Spider-Man 3 (2 & 12 May 07)
  Really awesome movie this one. I watched it twice and only made up my mind that I liked it after the 2nd watch. It's melodramatic but I must say that it made sense that Spidey could turn arrogant and shirk the help of other "lesser" beings. It's a great watch and I'm definitely getting the DVD when it comes out. The villains were pretty disappointing though; mostly because there were too many of them and unlike the previous two movies I couldn't emphatise much with the villains as people. VENOM looked really cool but was very under-utilised.
  

• Next (14 May 07)
  This one was an OK watch but had a very disappointing ending that made the whole movie feel like such a waste of screen-time. I wouldn't recommend this movie.

• Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End (25 May 07)
  Pirates was an action-packed romp through pirated-infested waters! I enjoyed it thoroughly and Johnny Depp was brilliant. I mean ... if ever there were a crazed pirate who wanted immortality ... Jack Sparrow's it. The action sequences are over the top and it was a BLAST to watch. I loved every minute of it. AVAST me hearties!
  
  
• Shrek 3 (2 June 07)
  Shrek 3 was a good watch. It was funny but it did get a little bit draggy especially with the whole Shrek turning into a father-like, advisor figure to King Arthur. The supporting characters are great; especially Gingerbread Man and Pinocchio.

• Blades of Glory (4 June 07)
  Good, mindless fun ... that's all I can say. I had a blast watching it and it made me really happy. I laughed and laughed. The jokes weren't cerebral but that's exactly what I was looking for. It certainly made my day!
  
  
• The Last Mimzy (8 June 07)
  This one was a pleasant surprise. The child leads were really good. A definite feel-good movie that brings you back to more innocent days when we were kids.
  
  
• Priceless (9 June 07)
  A French romantic comedy. My first international flick in ages. It was funny and most certainly different. Twisted morals but it had a happy ending. I'd recommend it to those looking for something different.
  
  
• Ocean's 13 (11 June 07)
  I liked this one more than Ocean's 12. But less than Ocean's 11. It was entertaining and I had good laughs with my brother and my friend Ivan who watched it with us. And it's always cool to see a hypothetical crime being pulled off.
  
  
• The Namesake (13 June 07)
  Mira Nair's a brilliant director and this one really touched a chord in my heart about being Asian. It's a wonderful story and really speaks about our culture and how so often we lose it in the face of modernity and especially so with Western influences. We are so much less Asian that it's pretty sad. A must watch for those looking for something out of the ordinary.
  
  
• Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (16 June 07)
  Way better than the first movie. And the Silver Surfer is really cool. Buff too. All the girls who watched it with me were swooning over him. Gah! Ha ha! Too little Doctor Doom though. Not the best comic book adaptation this summer, I'd say Spider-Man 3 tops that one in my book. Another comic book movies to watch out for is Iron-Man which has got Robert Downey Jr in the title role. How cool is that?
  
  
• My Neighbor Totoro (DVD - 17 June 07)
  I've heard so much about this movie and finally managed to watch it after splurging RM200 on a boxed Studio Ghibli set. Am very much in support of buying original stuff ever since I started working in the music industry. Main reason why I got the set was cos' of Spirited Away which I wanted to screen for the Film Appreciation class. Anyways, back to My Neighbor Totoro ... TOTORO is waaaay cool. He's huge. Furry and a hit with the girls. The depiction of love between siblings is presented in a very special way here and reminded me about my own fights & play-time with my brother when we were younger. This movie warmed my heart and gave me the izzy fuzzies.
  
  
• Surf's Up (22 June 07)
  I bought tickets twice for this one cos' I missed the 5pm show due to an over-run in a work appointment. I had good laughs in this one and the animation was superb. Made me feel like I wanted to be a surfer dude and travel the world to look for choice waves. Totally radical man ...
  
  
• Children of Men (DVD - 23 June 07)
  I picked up a copy of this after hearing about it while doing research for the film appreciation class I took over for my friend Choon Ean. It was pretty depressing to watch but brilliant. The sound design was amazing and the way it was shot made me feel like I was right there with Clive Owen in the middle of an oppressive version of England in the future. It made my Saturday drab but definitely worth a 2nd-watch (when I'm not depressed of course).
  

That's it from me, you have my thoughts on all the films that I've caught in the past two months. I believe Transformers is gonna rock! Michael Bay! Optimus Prime! What's there not to like? I've got my very own ticket for this Thursday. Anyone care to join me? :)